Returning early and with honour!

Nobody wants LDS missionaries to return early, and nobody expects them to. But you know what? Missionaries don't expect to go home early, either. But sometimes they do - sometimes they have to and they don't have any other choice. 

And I've heard it a lot of times. "Yes, he served in Mexico, but he came home early" as if it wasn't as honourable as serving a full-term mission. 
I also see it on Facebook a lot of times, people opening up on social media because they don't know how to deal with it and what to say. 
And I know personally,                                because I'm an early returned sister missionary.


But in reality, there is no such thing as an "early returned" - missionary. Because every missionary I know, including myself, has served his or her full term as a missionary. And it's not always 2 years or 18 months. 

Just like it's not always a 9-hour-shift at the vineyard. Christ taught: 

 For the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which went out early in the morning to hirelabourers into his vineyard. And when he had agreed with the labourers for a penny a day, he sent them into his vineyard. And he went out about the third hour, and saw others standing idle in the marketplace, And said unto them; Go ye also into the vineyard, and whatsoever is right I will give you. And they went their way.Again he went out about the sixth and ninth hour, and did likewise.And about the eleventh hour he went out, and found others standing idle, and saith unto them, Why stand ye here all the day idle?They say unto him, Because no man hath hired us. He saith unto them, Go ye also into the vineyard; and whatsoever is right, that shall ye receive.So when even was come, the lord of the vineyard saith unto his steward, Call the labourers, and give them their hire, beginning from the last unto the first. And when they came that were hired about the eleventh hour, they received every man a penny. But when the first came, they supposed that they should have received more; and they likewise received every man a penny. And when they had received it, they murmured against the goodman of the house, Saying, These last have wrought but one hour, and thou hast made them equal unto us, which have borne the burden and heat of the day. But he answered one of them, and said, Friend, I do thee no wrong: didst not thou agree with me for a penny?Take that thine is, and go thy way: I will give unto this last, even as unto thee.

All missionaries serve in Christs' vineyard. They make a difference and God and the people they influence for good are grateful for their service. Regardless of the time I served and will serve, my mission will never be over.

I realize, that all people see is that I was set apart on June 19th 2015 and came back on October 6th 2015, but there's so much more:

People don't see that I took a train to Munich straight to the mission field with no MTC experience or any time to transition to missionary life mode. I was scared but I was up for it! I wanted to get to work and serve for 18 months, in Salt Lake City as soon as possible, but for now I was going to give my best in Germany. I was surprised to find out that I was going to take a train to Italy the next day to serve my mission in South Tyrol, but now I was even more excited and I started picking up the new language - Italian! I had the best trainer and we worked very hard and I was incredibly tired and some days I couldn't walk without pain because of all the blisters I had and I started getting migraines... But I started to notice something new: That I could love people so much more than I knew, that they meant so much to me that it made me sad when they didn't want to commit and I would do anything to help them in any way! I met Miriam and I saw how the Gospel changed her so much! It amazed me that the Gospital really is the best Hospital! Witnessing and translating her baptism was one of the best days of my mission! I cried when I took her in my arms and she hugged me -all wet- and told me she felt free and peaceful. 

Then my VISA came and I was told that I was going to fly to America come August. I was very scared of going to the MTC. I feared that I was going to have to start all over again. After everything I had done to step up to the plate as a missionary and learning a new language I was going to have to give it all up and go to the MTC where everyone would treat me like it was my first day as a missionary. All the "Welcome to the MTC" shouts. And at first, the MTC was horrible for me. 

Firstly, because it took me 3 days to get there in the first place. It cost me one night at a hotel in London Heathrow, one night at the Houston / Texas Airport, 2 lost suitcases and one broken suitcase. Yes, I made it to the MTC, but I still didn't have my luggage, I hadn't changed in 3 days, hadn't eaten a decent meal in 3 days, I was tired and I was going to give up. I told myself at that airport in London, that maybe-
it wasn't meant to be.

Secondly, because everyone was constantly telling me that "now I was going to learn how to prepare to teach my very first investigator". After listening to that kind of stuff 24/7 I started to believe that maybe, I really wasn't a real missionary yet. Maybe all that time in Italy had just been a failure? 

I had an interview with my branch presidents counselor on the second day. The interview made me realize that I had a choice to make here. Either, I could be humble enough to change something - my attitude - and have a great time and help others to have an amazing time or I could have a miserable time, give others a miserable time and look back happy that my MTC time was over. 
And I decided I would make it a great time.

Only about 20minutes later, the branch president called me as a Sister Training Leader. That totally surprised me because, at that time, I didn't seem like the right person to call to take care of a bunch of new sisters coming in. I learned so much during that short time as an STL. I learned that leadership is best done by example and service. And with service I mostly mean charity. I love those seven sisters to pieces! And I love my MTC companions, they were the best I could've dreamt for and we were a dreamteam:) And serving all of them, made me incredibly happy.

I soon had to realize that my MTC time was over and I was going back to the real world. Once again, I was asked to start all over again and feel like a golden (greenie) and getting trained all over again and having people say that I'd only been out for a day. My mission has taught me so much, especially about being teachable and humble.

My next, third and last transfer went by veeery slowly. Mostly, because my migraines got worse and worse. After 3,5 months of migraines I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep but I couldn't because I wanted to do missionary work but at the same time, I knew I couldn't do it. At least not for another 14,5 months. Even though it seemed horrible and dreary, it was an amazing transfer because  of the people I met and taught. It amazed me that people would put so much trust and hope in the things I (and the Holy Ghost) taught them. I was able to teach a wonderful family and see Marquito baptized, make amazing friends and make a difference in people's lives without realizing it. Among my favourite memories are our visits with Fernanda and Chris. All the people I met and taught meant the world to me and they were always in my prayers and still are. 

Eventually, I felt like I had given my mission and the Lord everything I had - my health included and I was sent home on medical leave without having been given a choice. 

I read a verse in Doctrine and Covenants that really helped me deal with this decision that was obviously not mine: 

49 Verily, verily, I say unto you, that when I give a commandment to any of the sons of men to do a work unto my name, and those sons of men go with all their might and with all they have to perform that work, and cease not their diligence, and their enemies come upon them and hinder them from performing that work, behold, it behooveth me to require that work no more at the hands of those sons of men, but to accept of their offerings.

Nobody can look behind a returned missionary of any kind and I don't expect people to understand things they've never experienced, but with this blog post I would like to increase awareness and understanding. 

Don't talk about (E)RMs behind their backs wondering if they're worthy. Don't make weird jokes on their first day back in their ward. Love them and let them know they belong. I am so grateful for my loving student ward that made me feel welcome last sunday. Because even though I might be an (overly) confident girl, I was extremely scared to go back to church and face that kind of stuff.

I can tell you, early returned missionaries are going to be grateful for your love and support!